Hello Reader,

We recognize the exhaustion from silently carrying brain health struggles, but have you considered how habitually saying you're "fine" might prevent peace and healing? The world celebrates the lone warrior, but it’s important to understand that glorifying self-reliance isn't a sign of strength — it can be a trap. This week, we’ll examine the main reason we hold onto this burden, exploring how the Self-Reliance Trap isolates us and prevents us from experiencing the joy, hope, and connection that God offers through both faith and community.

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The Self-Reliance Trap: Why We Insist on Carrying It Alone

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Have you ever reflected on your life and noticed a paradox? You feel the persistent, cumulative exhaustion—the combined result of ongoing stress, unspoken burdens, and their compounding effects. You understand logically that you can't sustain this pace, but you refuse to slow down or ask for help.

When you feel tired but are close to reaching your goal, you tell yourself to push harder. When you're worried, you ask yourself to worry less. When a friend or loved one offers help, your automatic, almost mechanical response is, "I’m fine, I’ve got this."

Your relentless insistence on handling everything by yourself, even at the expense of your well-being, is what I refer to as The Self-Reliance Trap.

This habit is one of the most damaging on the road to peace and healing, as it transforms a manageable challenge into an overwhelming crisis. We're not only confronting the problem itself but also dealing with the spiritual and emotional harm from pretending to be strong or to have everything under control. It's important to understand why we fall into this trap and how faith offers the true path to freedom.

The Myth of Being Self-made: Why We Fear Weakness

The world has sold us a faulty definition of strength. We are constantly inundated with images of the self-made, the lone warrior, the person who "did it all by themselves." This cultural narrative suggests that true strength is synonymous with competence, total control, and perhaps the most dangerous, it overglorifies isolation.

We are taught that a capable person handles their challenges on their own, quietly, and effectively. If our problems are visible, it implies failure. As a result, admitting we’re struggling can feel like admitting defeat in essential aspects of our lives—such as our careers, family, and faith.

The Performance Trap

The self-reliance trap suggests our worth depends on our performance and productivity. The whisper of pride sounds something like this:

• "If I just work harder, I can power through this anxiety and prove I can handle it."
• I don’t want to bother them. My problems aren't severe enough to trouble anyone else with; I should be able to handle them myself.
• "If I slow down, I will miss my deadline, and then who will I be?"

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This creates a vicious cycle. We carry a heavy, invisible burden, and to prove we're strong enough to handle it, we take on additional tasks, assume more responsibilities, and subject ourselves to greater self-criticism. We become human doings rather than human beings, sacrificing our well-being for the sake of measurable success.

The Fear of Being a Burden

Perhaps the deepest root of this trap is the fear of becoming a burden. We don't just fear judgment; we fear exhausting the energy, patience, or resources of those we love.

This fear often stems from past experiences where asking for help was met with:

1. Minimization: "It’s not that bad, just pray harder."
2. Criticism: "You brought this on yourself. If you would have just ____ you wouldn’t be in this mess."
3. Absence: "They’re too busy for my problem."

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To protect ourselves from pain and feelings of inadequacy, we seal the wound. We opt for the temporary pain of loneliness and overexertion instead of risking the potential pain of rejection. We choose to suffer quietly, believing that isolation is safer than vulnerability. This is the point at which the compounding effect truly accelerates, as each day spent pretending to be okay only delays the necessary healing and connection.

The Lie of Spiritual Perfection

The self-reliance trap becomes even more challenging when it is linked to our faith. Many of us are taught, or mistakenly believe, that living a mature, God-honoring life means being free from emotional struggles. We often confuse faith with feeling strong, which leads us to think that experiencing challenges—such as anxiety, exhaustion, or depression—indicates spiritual failure.

We tell ourselves destructive spiritual lies:

• If I had enough faith, I wouldn't need to see a counselor or therapist.
• I should be able to overcome these brain health challenges on my own; After all, God only helps those who help themselves, right?
• If I confess my doubt, fear, or exhaustion, I’ll be seen as having a 'weak' faith by those in my community or even by God.

This interpretation not only overlooks fundamental human psychology but also disregards the core truth of the Gospel.

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The Divine Invitation to Weakness

The Bible is not a self-help book for the perfect; it tells the story of how God uses the weak, exhausted, and broken. When we look at figures like Moses, who felt completely inadequate, or Elijah, who fled and collapsed in despair after a significant victory (1 Kings 19), we see individuals who were utterly overwhelmed and lacking human strength.

Jesus’s most famous invitation isn't for the strong or the self-sufficient; it is for people who have been worn down by life and religion.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

This rest is not a reward for good performance; it is a gift for those who are weighed down. The original Greek word for "weary" here describes someone who has worked to the point of exhaustion, and "burdened" refers to someone carrying a heavy load of ritual or oppression. Jesus is inviting the broken down, the burnt out, and the anxious.

Furthermore, the Apostle Paul, who is known for writing a significant portion of the New Testament, recognized that his own strength could hinder God’s power. He pleaded with God to remove his "thorn in the flesh" (a weakness, whether physical, emotional, or related to brain health), and God’s response exemplifies the anti-self-reliance movement.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul then concludes, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

The moment we acknowledge our limits is the moment we stop hindering God's power with our own efforts.

The Cost of the Trap: Loss of the Inner Spark

When we stay stuck in self-reliance and refuse to acknowledge our exhaustion or accept help, we risk losing a vital part of ourselves—the disappearance of our inner "spark."

The burden of handling everything alone shows up in obvious, incredibly damaging ways.

• Emotional Numbing: You stop noticing the good things because you're busy protecting yourself from the bad. Joy, peace, and excitement are muted because your system is overloaded.
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• Spiritual Emptiness: Your prayer life becomes mechanical, lacking sincerity, or completely nonexistent. You confuse being busy with being holy, and your connection with God feels distant because you haven't brought your true self—your tired, frightened self—to Him.
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• Relational Isolation: You build walls to hide your struggles, but these barriers also prevent genuine connection with others. You're present physically, but emotionally and spiritually disconnected.
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The trap promises control, but results in emptiness and burnout.

Escaping the Trap: The Strength of Surrender

The moment we recognize the limits of our own strength is the moment we discover true strength. True strength isn't about pretending you don’t need help; it’s about having the courage to surrender the burden and trust your limits to God and your community.

Escaping the Self-Reliance Trap starts with intentionally practicing three types of surrender:

1. Surrender to Honesty: Identify the Lie

The first step out of the trap is to name the self-reliant thought. When you feel the crushing weight, stop and ask yourself: What lie is my exhaustion trying to prove right now?

• Is it, "I should be able to handle this," which is the lie of self-sufficiency?
• Is it, "No one understands, and if I show them, they will leave," which is a fear of rejection?
• Is it, "I must perform to be worthy," which is the lie of conditional value?

Name the specific lie and then replace it with the truth: “His power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). This isn't just positive thinking; it’s anchoring your mind in a truth about God’s character that is bigger than your feelings of inadequacy.

2. Surrender to God: Practice the Daily Release

Don't just confess your sins; confess your exhaustion as well. Surrender is a daily practice, not a one-time event. You don't need a formal prayer; you need radical honesty.

Try this simple, actionable practice: When you feel overwhelmed, hold one specific item you're carrying—such as a worry, task, or exhaustion—in your mind, and then physically or mentally turn it over.

“God, I am too tired to worry about this one thing today. I release it to you. I will not pick it back up for the next hour.”

This intentional release helps you begin to loosen your grip on control, trusting that God can handle the things you believe only you can manage. This is how you engage the compounding power of grace.

3. Surrender to Community: Lean into the Anchor

The final and most challenging step is letting go of the belief that you have to be an island. The Overflow Community is here to counteract the isolation caused by the unnamed burden.

When you bravely share your genuine struggle—whether it’s a major crisis or just the feeling of being completely drained—you allow someone else to step in and apply the compounding power of grace, hope, and connection to your life. Your vulnerability is not a sign of failure; it is an act of faith that honors God by acknowledging your dependence on His resources, which often come to you through other people.

Self-reliance is a temporary bandage that will inevitably fail. Surrender is the first step toward genuine, lasting peace and healing, allowing the ultimate strength of Christ to rest upon you.

This piece represents a significant step away from isolation and toward genuine community.

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• The Compound Effect: When the Little Things Become Too Much
• 3 Ways to Prevent a Mental Meltdown: Repairing the Cracks in Your Foundation
• The Unnamed Burden: Why We Struggle to Define Our Pain

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As always, you can find past articles here.

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PODCAST If you haven't checked out the podcast, now is the perfect time! Listen Now ↗ ​

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Join Our Bible Reading Plans!

Bible reading plans are one great way for Overflow members to grow closer to God and each other. Each week, we host a new plan using the YouVersion Bible app. This provides members with the opportunity to learn more about topics related to faith and brain health.

Fill out this form. https://forms.gle/puLzBgrQ3gHRtzer9 By doing so, you will receive an invite regardless of whether you comment on future Bible plan announcements. This way, you never miss out!

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​ Craig Booker​ ​Say "hello" 👋 on LinkedIn or Substack. ​ ▶️ Catch my latest video on YouTube​

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